


To Remember: Epilogue

by Starblade10 (epeeblade)



Series: To Remember [7]
Category: Stargate SG-1
Genre: Alternate Universe, Future Fic, Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-11-21
Updated: 2009-11-21
Packaged: 2017-10-03 12:58:59
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,822
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18344
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/epeeblade/pseuds/Starblade10
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Closure</p>
            </blockquote>





	To Remember: Epilogue

**Author's Note:**

> Originally written in 2002.
> 
> Original notes: This has been a long strange journey. It was two years ago this July that I first   
> started this series. I had just entered the fandom and it was one of the first things I'd   
> written. Since then, I've grown and changed, and met wonderful people along the way. I'd   
> like to thank all the people who've had a hand in beta-ing: Carol, Seanchaidh, Ozy, Di   
> (and anyone I forgot.:)
> 
> I'll actually miss working on this.

~Enter~

Sam waited a heartbeat before she unbuckled her seat belt. Now that they had arrived, she   
hesitated, not sure if she wanted to get out and knock on that door.

"You ok, Mom?" Cris asked from the driver's seat.

"Not sure," Sam answered honestly. She rubbed the bridge of her nose, trying to get rid   
of the headache she felt beginning there. "Cris, promise me you'll be on your best   
behavior."

"Mom, I'm 28 years old, not a little kid anymore. You don't have to tell me to behave."

Sam closed her eyes briefly, "Don't I, Lieutenant?"

Cris didn't say anything for a moment. "Sir, yes, sir! Let's get this over with." She threw   
open the car door and escaped before Sam could say anything else.

She moved a bit slower, opening the car door and stepping out carefully. When had time   
gotten away from her? Six years had gone by since she had last seen Jack O'Neill, the   
man who fathered her children. Over twenty had passed since their high-profile divorce.   
Some days she woke up bed, still thinking she had a briefing at the SGC.

Then Pete would snore and roll over, and Sam realized those days were long gone. She   
was sixty-seven years old, the CEO of her own technology company. The world had   
tilted on its axis and her life with it.

Cris had made it to the front door first, but she didn't knock. She just stood there, waiting.   
Looking at her now, Sam acknowledged the resemblance between them, so strong that   
looking at Cris standing there in her uniform Sam felt like she was looking into some   
kind of mirror into her past.

Sam tried to shrug off the sudden melancholy, moving next to her daughter to rap on the   
door. Fortunately, when it opened, it was her son staring back at them.

"Mom, Cris!" Jake stepped back and let them in. "Thank god you're here." He hugged her   
first, then his sister. Cris ruffled his hair fondly.

Jake looked tired, Sam thought critically, taking in the dark circles under his bloodshot   
eyes and his unkempt appearance. But then, she couldn't blame him. Not with his   
schooling in addition to everything else.

"Sam. You came." Daniel's voice from across the room drew her attention away from her   
son.

She looked away and nearly gasped. Daniel looked, well, old. He was too thin, his hair   
had gone completely white, and he stepped carefully while leaning heavily on the cane in   
his left hand.

"Of course," she said. Daniel turned sharp blue eyes on her, and she realized her first   
perception of him was wrong. "How is he?" There, that was getting to the matter at hand.

Daniel shrugged. "He's dying, Sam." His voice caught as he spoke her name.

Sam could feel his heart breaking. "Oh, Daniel." She moved to his side and put her hand   
on his arm, then gave into her impulse to hug him. He buried his face in her shoulder and   
she could feel the wetness through her shirt.

Daniel cleared his throat and pulled away. He looked away from her for a moment,   
wiping at his eyes. "I'm sorry. You just got here and I… Would you like something to   
drink? We have coffee in the kitchen, we always have coffee ready."

She forced a smile onto her face and gave Daniel the chance to regain his composure.   
"Actually, we were headed for our hotel, but I thought we should just stop here first…"

"Hotel? Mom, you can stay here!"

She turned and took her son's arm, just happy to be touching him like this. She missed   
him, and it was hard to admit that now. "Come on, Jake, you know that's not a good   
idea."

"He's right, you can both stay here," Daniel invited.

"Yeah, you can have my room, and I'll crash on the couch, it folds out." Jake grabbed the   
hand she held over his arm. "Please mom."

She turned to face her daughter. Sam couldn't and wouldn't accept if it would make Cris   
uncomfortable. "Cris?"

Cris rolled her eyes. "Fine. I'll get our luggage."

"I can help," Jake volunteered. Cris's eyes softened at his offer. He was most likely the   
only reason she agreed to stay. Much like Jack, Cris could deny him nothing.

After they left, Daniel turned towards what she assumed was the kitchen. She lingered a   
moment before following. There were pictures all along the wall in this room. Most of   
them were of her own children, in various stages of growing. She recognized the pictures   
of Charlie that had once graced her own living room. And then there were Daniel's   
pictures. She had seen them before, a long time ago, most likely in Daniel's office. One of   
Sha're, looking startled at the camera; another old and yellowed of two people she   
assumed were his parents. The wall was like a patchwork of their lives together. Her   
fingers touched one of Jack and Daniel together, grinning at whoever was taking the shot.   
She wondered when it was taken, at least ten years ago from the color of Daniel's hair.

"Sam, did you take cream in your coffee?" Daniel's voice interrupted her musings and she   
finally moved into the kitchen.

"Let me help, Daniel." But he seemed to have everything under control, leaning the cane   
against the counter when he needed both hands. She wondered about it, but didn't ask.

He motioned to the chair and she sat, accepting the cup he placed in front of her. "You   
have a lovely home."

"You were always invited here, Sam." He sounded tired, but not accusing.

"It would have been too strange." She stirred some sweetener into her coffee. Daniel   
always made his coffee a bit too strong for her tastes.

"True." He agreed. "I thought we could head out to the hospital later. Visiting hours start   
again at 6, but they usually let us in anyway."

She put her hand over his fingers tightening around the mug. "Daniel. Isn't there anything   
they can do?"

He shook his head. "He has cancer. It's spread throughout his body. I think if he were   
younger he might have a chance, with all the new technology…" he stopped speaking   
when they heard the door slam.

Sam pulled back her hand as her children walked through the entryway.

"…stop being such a baby and join up already." Cris was saying. They were holding onto   
each other, arms wrapped around each other's waists.

"I'd like to find a different way into the SGC, thank you very much."

"And nepotism isn't enough? You need to take seven years to get a PhD?" She poked at   
his chest and he dissolved into giggles, as ticklish as Sam remembered.

It struck her suddenly, how they were all coming together now. Despite everything, all   
the hurt and pain over the past years, they were becoming a family again. She couldn't   
help but think of the day it all crumbled, when she couldn't imagine they would ever be   
all together again.

***

Sam didn't realize she was waiting for the knock on the door until it came and she knew it   
was a half hour late without even looking at the clock. Still, she took a deep breath   
before walked to the door and opening it. Jack stood there, bundled in a coat, his cheeks   
reddened slightly by the cold. Daniel stood slightly behind him.

"Jack, Daniel. Come in." Sam stepped back. It had only been six months since she and   
Jack had officially broken up. The divorce wasn't even final yet. However, Jack had   
already moved in with Daniel, in their new place in Colorado. Daniel had gone back to   
working for the SGC. "Merry Christmas."

"Merry Christmas, Sam." Jack dropped several shopping bags on the floor in front of   
him. Only 6 months gone and he was already spoiling the kids. Sam recognized all the   
signs.

He moved forward to hug her before she could stop him, so she remained stiff under his   
embrace. Jack pulled away and frowned at her. He opened his mouth to speak.

"Daddy!" a little voice broke into the moment and Jake was running across the room.   
Jack scooped him up and held their son tight.

"Hey kiddo."

Sam couldn't help smiling. This entire situation was hardest on Jake. Her baby was   
downright lost without his father. Not a day had gone by without him asking when Jack   
was going to come home.

"Hey, Jake, Merry Christmas," Daniel said, reaching out to ruffled Jake's hair.

Sam stopped smiling.

That wasn't fair, she chided herself. It was a good thing, after all, that Daniel got along   
with Jake. It made things easier. However…

"What's he doing here?" Cris' shouted. Sam turned; she hadn't heard her daughter coming   
down the stairs.

"Honey, come and say hello to your father," Sam said in her best 'mother voice.'

Cris stubbornly stayed right where she was. Sometimes she was a bit too like Jack. "No.   
Not while his boyfriend is here."

"Cristine!" Sam shouted, shocked. "Language."

"He's going to ruin everything!" Cris sobbed out, before turning and running back up the   
stairs.

"Oh, god. I'll go talk to her." Sam started up the steps.

"That's ok, Sam. I, uh, I'll just go back to the hotel."

She turned around just in time to see Daniel give Jack a halfhearted kiss on the cheek. His   
eyes flicked up towards hers and he flushed. Her good will didn't stretch as far as to   
watch her ex-husband make out with his 'boyfriend' in her own living room.

"Good night, Daniel."

"Uh, night Sam."

The evening went downhill from there. Cris eventually came out of her room to eat   
dinner, but she remained quiet, and played with her food. Jack tried to coax her to speak,   
asking questions about her soccer team's current fundraiser. But Cris only shrugged.

Things perked up a bit when Jack gave them their Christmas Eve gifts. For a while there,   
as they congregated in front of the fire place, surrounded in colored paper and ribbons,   
laughing at the sound Jake's toy car made, it seemed like everything was normal. Jack   
was home, they were a family again.

It wasn't until they were upstairs, putting the kids to bed that Sam realized Jack was going   
back to the hotel room he and Daniel shared. He wouldn't be waking up with them   
Christmas morning, wouldn't be sharing in their annual Christmas breakfast. For the first   
time in nine years, their family tradition would be broken.

"Good night, kiddo." Jack knelt at their son's bedside.

"Daddy! Don't go!"

"I'll be back tomorrow, I promise." Jack kissed his forehead and tucked the blankets   
around him. She tried to meet his eye when he stood, but they were shadowed. Sam gave   
Jake a kiss and followed Jack out of the room.

She found him in the room that used to be his study. He was taking down the pictures of   
Charlie that still hung on the wall. "I, uh, wanted to take these to Colorado with me," he   
said, focusing on removing one of the nails from the wall. He wasn't very successful.

"Did you think it was going to be easy?" she snapped.

"No." his voice was soft, non-intrusive. "I expected it to be hard. I just didn't think it   
would be this hard on them."

She sank into a nearby chair. "God, Jack."

"I couldn't pretend anymore." Another frame disappeared from the wall.

"What do you want me to say? That I think you did the right thing by running off with   
your lover? No, Jack, I won't say that. You ran out on your family."

His fist hit the wall hard.

She flinched, and then was at his side. "God, did you hurt yourself? You could have   
broken your hand." Sam caught his fingers between hers, carefully feeling for any breaks.

"Sam," he whispered.

"Jack?"

"Let me take Jake back to Colorado with me."

She dropped his hand. "What?"

"I'll bring him back every other weekend, every holiday, for the summer. Please, Sam,   
you see how much this is hurting him."

"What about Cris?" she demanded. "Don't you want her as well?"

"Of course I do! She's my daughter." He turned away from her, placing the framed   
pictures carefully on his old desk. "But, she hates Daniel. I wouldn't force her to live with   
him. And, and she's a bit older than Jake. I'd be taking her away from school and her   
friends."

"You've thought this all out?"

"Not really. Just makin' it up as I go along."

He was looking at the pictures, she realized, of the son he'd lost so many years ago. Jack   
had never forgotten Charlie, and hadn't forgiven himself either. Sam knew that she   
wouldn't deny Jack his son. "All right."

"What?" His head snapped up.

"You can take Jake to Colorado." She swallowed down the hitch in her voice.

"Sam."

He hadn't expected her to say yes. He had asked, expecting her to turn him down.

Sam closed her eyes, squeezing out the tears that threatened. "Oh, Sam."

This time, when he threw his arms around her, she let him, hugging him back. Everything   
was crumbling, disappearing. Nothing would ever be the same again.

***

"Sam? Are you ok?"

"Hmm?" Daniel was looking at her. "Oh, sure. I was just thinking."

He smiled. "Jake's going to drive us to the hospital. Did you need anything?"

She shook her head. "No, I'm fine. Let's go."

~Twilight~

He hated the beeps, even though it was the beeps that told him he was still alive. Jack   
wasn't quite sure when he started measuring his remaining hours in beeps. Probably the   
time they upped his pain meds. He didn't quite hurt so much anymore, but he would   
almost take the pain instead of this constant haze of not feeling.

The knock interrupted his beep counting. Daniel. Daniel was the only one who ever   
knocked, and the only one who never needed to.

Jack opened his eyes. Daniel looked kind of fuzzy as he limped into the room. He   
frowned. "Leg?" he asked as Daniel reached his side.

"Later," Daniel knelt and kissed him gently, careful of the tubes that all but chained Jack   
to this bed. "Sam is here."

"Daniel?" He hadn't asked for her. Damn, but Daniel must know. He had to give his lover   
credit; Jack didn't think Daniel was ready to accept his impending death. As of yesterday,   
Jack was still getting treatment.

Daniel touched a finger to Jack's lips gently. "She wants to see you, ok?"

"Youbetcha." He hated the way his words were slurred. Some days Daniel was the only   
one who could understand him. He hated to think of when he couldn't communicate at all.

Daniel moved away, and Jack tried to reach out with one hand. He couldn't see him any   
more. His heart pounded in panic. "Daniel!" He tried to shout, but he couldn't.

"Here I am, Jack." His fingers were taken in a warm familiar grip. "Sam is here."

She looked as beautiful as the last time he had seen her, how long had that been? He had   
been taking Jake for visitation…last time before Jake swore he was old enough to fly on   
his own.

"Jack," she whispered, bending close. He could see her almost clearly now: curly gray   
hair, bright blue eyes.

"Don't. Cry for me."

Her face crumpled as he spoke. "You stupid man," she hissed. "Two children and ten   
years and you don't want me to cry for you?"

Well, when you put it like that. He just hated that he was hurting her. Again. Could he   
stop hurting Sam? "Still love ya."

"I know." And she looked like she almost believed that. Must be the meds. She kissed   
him, gently, on the lips. It was almost too much. Soon he'll be bawling like a baby too.   
Enough of this, enough of the bedside confessions. It was time to go home.

"Hey Dad." He could hear Jake, but he couldn't see him. "Mind if I steal mom for a   
minute? We're going to the cafeteria for some dinner. Do you, uh, want anything?"

"Beer."

They laughed. That was good; it almost felt like he was living again.

"I don't think they have that downstairs, but I'll try." Jake touched his hand before he left,   
taking Sam with him.

"Daniel." He needed to talk to him, alone, before the others came back.

Daniel was frowning for some reason, looking at the doorway. "Yes, Jack?"

"It's time to go home." He started to cough and cursed the fluid in his lungs. Just when he   
needed his voice the most.

But it brought Daniel close, half sitting on his bed, holding him through the tremor.   
"Jack? Do you need the nurse, Jack?"

He grabbed Daniel's arm, and he could tell even Daniel was surprised at the strength in   
his grip. "I wanna go home, Danny. No more treatments. Just…let me go."

"Oh, Jack. God." Daniel buried his face in Jack's chest.

God, Daniel, he thought, but couldn't say. I've only disappointed you. So long ago now,   
but not nearly long enough. Even now he could remember it with crystal clear vision.

***

Jack grabbed his cell phone on his way out the door and punched in the speed dial.

"Jackson."

"Hey," he smiled into the phone, happy to hear Daniel's voice.

"Hey yourself. What's up? Or did you just call to hear my voice?"

"I wish. I'm going to have to cancel dinner tonight."

"What?"

Jack wasn't too pleased about it himself. He and Daniel would be celebrating twelve   
years together tonight. Or would have been. "Jake's in trouble at school. The principal   
wants me to come in."

"Crap."

"Yeah, I'll call you when I get done."

"I'll just see you at home, Jack. I'm almost done here."

Daniel had probably been rushing through his work in order to meet Jack at the restaurant   
on time. Now that plans were canceled, he had nothing to hurry to. "All right. Later   
then."

Jack stepped up into his truck, wincing as his back creaked. His age was creeping up on   
him faster and faster. He never expected to be raising a teenager in his sixties, but he   
wouldn't trade it for anything. Jack just wished his body would cooperate.

 

The high school seemed deserted as Jack pulled up. It was late enough that even all the   
teams practicing were on their way home. He passed a few stragglers as he made his was   
through the empty hallways.

The principal was waiting for him at the door to the offices. "Mr. O'Neill?"

"Principal Skinner?"

"Excuse me?"

Jack had to admit, the guy had a gift for making people feel small. He coughed slightly.   
"Mr. Narvis. Where's Jacob?"

"Waiting in the ruins of my office." Narvis turned on heel neater than a recruit in basic   
training. Jack followed him into the departmental offices, and stopped at the sight of the   
principal's office.

As pranks went, this one was a doozy. He hadn't seen such random destruction in a long   
time. Toilet paper strung from one wall to the other, on every seat, bookshelf and over the   
desk. Jacob and one of his friends were on their hands and knees, cleaning up red paint   
from the floor. Jack sighed. Didn't Jake know the cardinal rule? Don't get caught.

"Um, hey dad." Jake stood up.

This was going to be a long meeting.

*

Detention, demerits, Jake was damn lucky he walked away from that little incident   
without a suspension. Jack strode along the halls angrily, his son keeping up easily. He   
didn't speak until they left the building.

"Just what the hell were you thinking?" he spat out through gritted teeth. "Are you trying   
to ruin your chances of getting into college? Or the Academy or whatever the hell you   
want to do with your life."

He didn't miss Jake's flinch. That was a bit of a sore spot between them at the moment.   
Jack took a deep breath and tried to get his patience back. Every time Jake went on a visit   
to see his mother or sister, he came back with an attitude. Usually Jack waited it out, Jake   
was too good-natured a kid to ever keep it up for long.

However, he was downright annoyed. He and Daniel had this evening planned for a   
month now. Jake knew that, he was supposed to be spending a night at a friend's   
house…Jack stopped in mid step. "Did you do this on purpose?"

"What?" Jake asked.

"Suddenly decide to play 'juvenile delinquent' to ruin my plans for the evening."

"Not everything is about you, dad." Jake snapped. He pushed open the glass door to the   
school with such force it slammed into the wall.

"Every time you go to visit your sister you come back with this shit." Stop, Jack told   
himself. The last thing he wanted was to turn Jake against him.

"Would you be happier if I moved back to California? If I'm such an inconvenience…"

They had just arrived at the car. Jack hit the unlock button. "You're not an   
inconvenience." Yeah, that sounded just as lame out loud as it had in his head. This   
wasn't the first time Jake had threatened to go live with his mom, but it was the first time   
Jack thought to take him seriously.

Jake just rolled his eyes at him and got in the car. Great, had they reached the 'not   
speaking to dad' portion of the evening? Jack dropped into the driver's seat and slammed   
his door closed. He then winced and scooted forward. He had sat on his cell phone. The   
message light was blinking furiously at him.

Jack punched the button, avoidance could work both ways, he thought. He had five   
messages? "Oh my god."

"Dad?"

"It's Daniel, he's been in an accident…"

*

Daniel was home. Finally. After the surgery, there had been complications, a nasty   
infection and fever that kept Daniel from recuperating at home. Then he had gone into the   
rehab center, learning to cope with his new body.

Jack sighed, watching as Jake tried to help Daniel to the couch.

"It's ok, Jake, I have been on crutches before."

"Oh, sorry, Daniel. Um, do you want anything?"

Daniel closed his eyes and leaned his head back against the couch. "Coffee."

"Um, sure." Jake wouldn't meet Daniel's eyes as he left the room.

Jack sat next to his lover, sliding his arm around Daniel's waist. Daniel stiffened. "How   
are you, really?" he whispered.

Daniel tilted his head and shrugged. "The pain isn't too bad. I've had worse. It's just that   
I keep feeling it."

Jack let his free hand drop to Daniel's left thigh, the leg that now ended just above where   
his knee should be. Everything had changed in a single moment. Daniel was no longer   
the man he had been. Jake was killing himself with guilt - he really was a chip off the old   
block there. Jack was just glad to have Daniel here in his arms.

Daniel pushed Jack's hand away. "Jack…"

"I'm sorry." Jack untangled himself and stood. "I'll just go see what Jake's doing to that   
coffee."

He was a coward for running away. There was no way to avoid the topic of Daniel's lost   
leg, but he submerged reality over discussion of premium coffee. Jack knew he was going   
to have to do something about Jake. Even now, his son still could not look Daniel in the   
eye.

Daniel took the mug Jake offered, then stopped him from moving away. "Jake, sit."

"Um." Jake sat on the couch, he really didn't have a choice, with Daniel tugging on his   
arm.

"Look at me, Jake." Daniel ordered. "The accident wasn't your fault."

"Daniel…"

"It could have happened at any time. I need to drive down that road to get out of the   
mountain. Nothing you did that night could have changed that."

And, Jack reflected, it could have been worse. Daniel might have ended up like the guy   
who hit him - dead. He put his own mug down on the table, afraid his shaking hand   
would make him spill the coffee.

Jake looked up at Daniel and nodded. Daniel smiled at him.

Jack knew they would be all right.

He wasn't so sure about himself. That night, he watched as Daniel sat on their bed,   
crutches propped on the night table.

"I've been thinking about prosthetics," Daniel chatted, his back still to Jack. "They have   
quite a range now. I'm trying to decide if I want an implant or a detachable."

Jack shivered. He nearly snapped the toothbrush clenched in one hand. He dropped it in   
the sink and ran the water.

"Jack?"

"Just a second." He splashed some water on his face and rubbed it dry before venturing   
out into the bedroom.

"Come to bed, Jack." Daniel looked at him sideways, head tilted and balanced on one   
palm. Those shrewd eyes bore into Jack as he pulled back the covers and slid in beside   
his lover.

"You're home," Jack whispered, reaching across the bed to take Daniel in his arms. Their   
lips met in a gentle kiss, tentative at first. It had been too long since he had tasted his   
lover. He couldn't let himself fall in, not yet. Jack drew back and moved to the light.

"Leave it on, Jack."

"Daniel?"

Daniel reached out and cupped Jack's face between his hands. He looked so very serious.   
"I can't hide from this, I can't let you hide."

"Daniel…" he wasn't sure what to say.

"Love me, Jack."

With trembling hands, he returned Daniel's caresses, sliding under Daniel's clothes to   
stroke that beloved skin. His fingers caught on the new scars along Daniel's left side.   
Moving down, he hesitated at the waistband. "Daniel…"

Then Daniel kissed him, grabbed Jack's hand and shoved it into his underwear. Jack had   
to laugh. This was still Daniel, still the man he loved. Daniel let him push down the   
offending garments, revealing him to the night air. Jack sucked in a deep breath.

It was different somehow, that this was Daniel. Daniel shouldn't have to suffer like this,   
shouldn't have had his body marred in this way. Jack was the old man, worn out and used   
up by his life in the service. And Daniel never said a word. He touched Jack's scars as if   
they were clear skin. He never teased Jack about the creaking his back made at   
inappropriate moments. Daniel just loved. Jack could do no less.

Jack slid his hand down the disfigured leg, caressing the mottled flesh with gentle   
strokes. Daniel closed his eyes. Jack had to kiss him, had to reach for him. Their bodies   
melded together as if nothing had changed, though nothing would ever be the same again.

***

Now Jack had to live with the consequences of his failures. Or rather, die knowing how   
he had hurt the ones he loved most in this world.

"You have not failed Daniel Jackson, O'Neill."

Teal'c was visiting him again. Jack looked across his hospital room to see his friend   
standing at the foot of the bed. Hadn't Daniel just been there? Damn it, he was losing time   
again. It hurt, there was so little of it left.

"Haven't I, Teal'c? Daniel will never be the same again. It's only luck that Jake's turned   
out as well as he has… and Cris…I don't think she'll ever speak to me again."

Teal'c walked around the bed, and placed one hand over Jack's. For a moment, Jack   
swore he could feel it. "Mistakes can be corrected. Your time is not yet finished on this   
earth, O'Neill."

"Almost," he insisted.

"Then use the time you have left wisely."

"You always were one for giving good advice, T."

"Indeed."

~Grief~

Daniel consulted his to-do list. He had a few more things he needed to follow up on, but   
right now he needed to rest for a minute. To his surprise, Jack's desire to come home to   
die involved a lot more than just bringing his lover back to their home. He had needed to   
order a hospital bed that had just been delivered and set up in their den, as well as a   
portable toilet, and other medical necessities Jack would need. The home health worker   
would come twice a day, once in the morning, and then in the evening to put Jack to   
sleep.

The tasks kept him busy, and prevented him from thinking about what exactly he was   
preparing for. He sat on the edge of the hospital bed, one that adjusted into various   
positions and smoothed his hand down the harsh material of the mattress. He needed to   
get soft sheets on here. Jack always complained about scratchy military bedding.

Sam walked in on his attempted bed making. "Daniel, let me help you."

He had left his cane propped against the wall, but found that walking without it was   
excruciating. It was past time for an adjustment of his prosthesis, but he just hadn't had   
the time. He couldn't leave Jack now, not when they had so little time. The pain was only   
temporary, he tried telling himself, as he gritted his teeth to walk.

"Take that side," he accepted Sam's help, shaking out the sheet. It was a little too big for   
the bed, but they managed to tuck all the extra cloth away somewhere.

"When…?" Sam began to ask.

He cut her off. "The ambulance is bringing him home later this afternoon. Jake said he   
would ride with him. I want to be here when he comes…"

"Of course." She sat on the edge of the bed, trailing perceptive eyes on him. He didn't   
know how to act around her. Sam seemed supportive, but he couldn't be sure if they   
could be anything more than cordial to each other. Even if she had forgiven him for   
stealing her husband, Daniel wasn't sure he'd forgiven himself. "Can I ask you a   
question?"

Daniel sat next to her, anticipating her inquiry about his leg. He was surprised Jake   
hadn't told her about it before this. "Sure."

"Why didn't you and Jack ever…" she waved her hand in the air, "get married?"

He frowned, he hadn't expected her to ask that. "Well, it just seemed like a bad idea, you   
know. Neither of us had the best track record when it came to, uh, marriage." Daniel   
snuck a sideways look at her, trying to gauge whether or not he was offending her. He   
calmed at the slight smile on her face. "You know Paul had asked me to marry him just   
before everything hit the fan?"

"Oh no."

"Yeah." Daniel smiled grimly. "And I have a suspicion Jack was going to ask me the   
night of the accident." He gestured towards his leg.

"Oh."

"Didn't Jake tell you about it?" He was curious. The incident had happened nearly 8   
years ago, he couldn't imagine Jake keeping it from his mother for this long.

"Not really. I cornered him at the hospital about it. I think he still feels unsettled about   
what happened."

Daniel closed his eyes. He hated that Jake still felt guilty. Neither Jake nor Jack was   
responsible for what happened that night. "Jake's a good kid. He…feels deeply."

When he looked over at her, Sam was staring at him with a dark look in her eyes. "I   
guess you would know more about that, since you practically raised my son."

"Sam…"

She touched his face, gently pushing back his hair. "It's funny, actually. Jack and I made   
him, but I think Jake's more like you."

Forgiveness. Daniel still wasn't sure he deserved it. "Just because he's going for his   
doctorate in Anthropology…"

She shook her head, but didn't elaborate.

***

Jack arrived in the middle of the afternoon, showing up 'in style' as Jake put it later.   
Daniel hovered around him, hands clenched in fists so he wouldn't offer to help. There   
wasn't much he could do, after all. The paramedics did it all: helping Jack into his new   
bed and hooking up all the wires and tubes that would keep Jack free of pain until he   
died.

Daniel sat in the soft chair Jake and Sam had dragged into the den. There was nothing left   
to do, just watch his lover wait to die.

"Danny?"

He smiled, reaching out to grasp Jack's hand. "I'm here, right here. Have a good nap?"

Jack began coughing. Daniel stood up quickly and helped Jack to sit up. He held onto his   
lover until the spasm eased. "Jack? Jack!"

He was relieved when Jack waved him away with one hand. "Thirsty."

"Sure. Water ok?" Daniel held the straw to Jack's lips. This seemed to be a pattern in their   
lives together: one in a hospital bed and the other hovering nearby.

Daniel frowned as Jack sipped slowly. "Good to be home?" he asked finally.

"Yeah," Jack whispered. "Better'n the hospital."

"Always," he brushed back tendrils of Jack's hair off of his forehead. He wanted Jack   
home just as much as Jack wanted to be home. Daniel just wished it was because Jack   
was getting better.

The creaking of the door opening caught his attention. Daniel looked up and saw Cris   
standing there, one hand on the frame, her eyes fixed on them. His fingers felt heavy in   
Jack's hair. 'Oh god,' he thought, 'she's going to do it again…'

***

"Do you think she'll like the flowers?"

"Sure, dad, I told you she likes daisies."

"They just seem so plain…"

Daniel gave an exaggerated sigh as they exited the car. "It's too late now. I am not driving   
through that traffic to go get different flowers!"

"Sorry Daniel," both father and son said.

He grinned, trying to hide his exasperation. They had driven in to the Air Force Academy   
for Cristine's graduation. Daniel hadn't expected the crowding, nor the traffic that dogged   
them at every turn. He expected Jack to hyperventilate when it seemed like they were   
going to be late. But they'd made it with time to spare, there were still straggling parents   
heading up towards the stands.

As Jack snapped on his shades, Daniel moved to his side and slid an arm around his   
waist. "You're so going to regret wearing your uniform in this heat."

"Nah. Won't even notice it."

Daniel figured it was a point of pride for Jack, continuing the tradition of proud USAF   
parent. Then again, he supposed any parent would be honored to watch their child   
graduate, he could only guess at what that felt like.

"So, do we have assigned seats to this thing or what?" Jake broke into their moment.

"We have tickets…"

"You mean you didn't use your pull to get us VIPed?"

"Easy guys," Daniel broke up the fight as they reached the stands. He frowned at the long   
sequence of high steps.

"Daniel?" Jake appeared at his other side, his blue eyes soft.

"I'll be fine," Daniel assured him. He had had his new prosthesis for the past year and a   
half. Daniel had finally kicked the cane about six months ago. The top of the line   
technology gave him limited sensations through surgically implanted electrodes, although   
he still suffered from phantom pain and limped when tired. And he had never tried this   
many stairs with it before.

"Just hold on to me," Jack whispered into his ear.

"Are you sure that's a good idea? You are getting up there, you know." Daniel took the   
opportunity with Jack's sputtering to run up the first few steps.

It felt wonderful to be able to walk so freely. Before the accident, he had taken something   
as simple as running up stairs for granted. Now, now he was grateful for every bit of   
movement.

He got to the top and turned around, watching as Jack followed him up. Jack had a grin   
on his face, that grin that could melt Daniel's knees. God, he loved that man.

"Yeah!" Jack said, grabbing Daniel's hand as he reached him. "You…"

"Shh, they're about to start!" Daniel grinned and found a free seat, Jack at his side.

*

The first sign of trouble had been in the program. Jake had pointed it out as a misprint.   
"They messed up Cris' name. It just says 'Cris Carter'"

Jack had grabbed the program out of his hand. "Hmm. That's a pretty big mistake."

Daniel looked over his shoulder. "Maybe she just didn't want to be known as 'Jack   
O'Neill's daughter. I mean, Carter alone is pretty generic. Carter-O'Neill? Not so much."

"Yeah dad, thanks for that. Nobody ever files me right. Sometimes I see 'Carter' listed as   
my middle name, sometimes the other way around. I even had a teacher call me Neil   
once…"

They had lapsed into friendly banter. Daniel focused his attention on making it down the   
steps. Sitting for so long had stiffened his leg up a bit, and his gait had a noticeable limp.   
He grasped the railing, to protect himself from the crowds of parents eager to meet up   
with their children. The last thing he needed was a fall from this height.

Jack was at his elbow in a moment, and they made it down together. It was difficult to   
find Cristine in the throngs of people, but Daniel find made out a halo of blond hair that   
looked like her.

Jake ran ahead and tapped her on the shoulder. She whirled around and smiled at him.   
Then she looked past him at Jack and Daniel.

"Hey, kiddo. Congratulations." Jack grinned.

Cris didn't smile back. Daniel was extremely conscious of Jack's hand on his arm.

She didn't say anything, didn't nod, or get angry. She simply turned around and walked   
away.

Daniel turned to Jack and watched his face harden.

"Let's get out of here."

He had to jog to keep up with Jack's furious pace. Daniel watched as his lover dumped   
the flowers in a garbage can.

"Jack," he tried.

"Dad?" Even Jake couldn't get him to turn around. Jack kept walking, back the way they   
had came, all the way back to their car.

Daniel grabbed Jack's arm and finally got his attention. "I shouldn't have come. You go   
back in there and talk to her."

"No, Daniel, not this time." Jack shook his head. "She's an adult now, not a little girl. I   
won't hide you because she doesn't want to believe you exist."

"Jack."

"Just, just get in the car, Daniel. Let's go home."

***

Daniel didn't want to see that crushing disappointment on Jack's face again. He half   
stood, about to order her to … what? Leave? Wouldn't that make the problem worse?   
Either way, he would stay here to defend Jack.

Jack's attention had gone to the door. "Kiddo?"

"Daddy?" her voice caught as she spoke and only then did Daniel notice the tears trailing   
down her cheeks.

The next moment, Cris was across the room and had buried her face in her father's   
shoulder. Jack patted her hair, then rubbed her back encouragingly. "Shh, baby, shh. It's   
ok."

"No, no it's not ok."

Daniel made to leave, this wasn't his moment to share. Cris had stepped back from Jack's   
bed, sitting on the chair on that side. She kept a grip on Jack's hand. "Daniel, wait."

He paused, halfway to the doorway.

"I'm sorry," she whispered. "I didn't understand."

He wasn't sure she did now, either, but Daniel didn't call her on it. He just nodded and   
left the room.

***

Later Daniel would remember the next six months as eternally long and incredibly short   
at the same time. Each moment with Jack was precious, cherished among all others. Even   
when Jack could no longer speak, when the doctor said he wasn't even there, mentally,   
Daniel stayed by his side. Jack must know he was present.

When Daniel woke one night to warm fingers caressing his own, he had his proof. He sat   
up - he had once again fallen asleep in his chair, head propped on Jack's bed. Jack's eyes   
were closed, his breathing as even as it got any more, thanks to the machines at his   
bedside.

"Daniel Jackson." A soft voice caused him to whip around. Teal'c stood in the corner of   
the room.

"Teal'c?" Daniel asked, trying to shake off the last thread of sleep. If Teal'c was   
here…"Oh, god, Teal'c…"

Teal'c took a single step forward. Daniel jerked out of his chair, hopping on his good leg   
as he stood between his lover and his friend. "No. /No/. Damn it, Teal'c, not yet."

"Each of us are granted one lifetime, Daniel Jackson. I am not Death come in the night. I   
am merely here to offer an old friend comfort."

"Oh." Daniel felt sheepish as he backed off. Not like he could defend Jack from an   
Ascended being, but he could do no less than to try. "Jack's not awake."

"It is not O'Neill I have come to visit, but you." Teal'c's smooth tones washed over   
Daniel.

He sat back heavily in his chair. "Oh."

"Daniel." It was so rare for Teal'c to call him by one name, the word dropped   
melodically off his tongue. "You need to let him go."

"I can't. Teal'c…"

"He lingers because of your strength, tethering him to this world." Teal'c was beside him,   
not touching, because he wasn't here, wasn't really alive at all. Yet Daniel could feel   
something like an electric current, raising up the small hairs of his arms. "I will not leave   
you, my friend. You have family that will stand by you. You will never be alone again."

Daniel let go, sobbing out his grief and frustration. He covered his face, as if trying to   
deny what stood before him. No, God no. It never would have been enough. A lifetime or   
two, what did it matter? His heart was breaking.

Teal'c was right, he needed to think of Jack right now. He couldn't do this, hold Jack   
here, suffering and in pain, because he would not leave Daniel.

Daniel leaned forward, touching Jack's cheek. God, it was so cool, not the warmth he had   
expected. "Jack," he whispered, "I love you. I know it's going to be hard, and I wish…"   
He cut himself off, that wasn't what he meant to say. "I want you to be free."

Jack's eyes opened, just long enough to look Daniel in the eye once. Then it seemed like   
he was looking somewhere else. He looked startled for a moment, then a smile curved his   
lips. He gasped, then fell back onto the bed.

Daniel stayed by his side until the breathing stopped, and the lines on all the machines   
flattened.

***

Everyone had come out for the funeral. Daniel would have been surprised at how many   
people had come, except he couldn't seem to concentrate on anything. He let Jake handle   
the arrangements, the caterers, all the details he couldn't deal with.

They buried Jack next to Charlie and Sara, in the Catholic Cemetery about an hour away.   
Jack had had the plot in his name for all these years, and a good thing too, since few   
people were buried anymore. Daniel wondered if there would be room for him someday.

He tuned out the priest, looking up into the clear blue sky. That was wrong, it should be   
raining, they should all be standing here with umbrellas, the water washing away their   
tears, leaving nothing but grief behind.

Jack always loved snow, he thought absently. He hated the stuff himself, but remembered   
fondly watching Jack and Jake making snowmen out in their front yard. Why was he   
thinking of that now, in the middle of spring?

It didn't seem like spring. Jack was gone. Daniel didn't think he would ever feel spring   
again.

It was his turn to sprinkle a handful of dirt over the coffin and to drop a rose into the   
earth. He stepped back and watched the men with the shovels return the soil to the earth.   
Everyone began to file away after the priest, leaving the dead to be buried.

Daniel couldn't leave, not yet. He stumbled over to the newly erected monument, falling   
to his knees. Pain jarred up his thigh and he rubbed at it absently. Now that Jack was   
gone, he would have time to get his prosthesis adjusted, but he'd take the pain to have   
Jack alive and well.

He traced the letters carefully, trying to find some thing in it. People visited cemeteries   
all the time; presumably to talk to lost loved ones. Hell, Jack himself had come at least   
once a year, leaving flowers at his son's graveside, then Sara's, when she had died.

Daniel couldn't find any solace in it. These were just words. "Jack O'Neill. Lover.   
Father. Hero." Jack would live on in history books and in memorials across the country.

But it didn't matter, because Jack was gone from his life. Daniel gripped the granite   
harshly, hoping to draw blood, wanting desperately to feel something.

"Daniel?"

He looked up at the voice, startled to hear it here, in this context. "Paul?"

Paul Davis stood with his hands in the pockets of his long black coat. At least he looked   
appropriately funereal, Daniel thought with a sense of manic humor. Paul, here? He   
looked…well, different. His hair had thinned out to nothing more than wisps around his   
ears. The weight he had put on reminded Daniel a bit of General Hammond, back in the   
old days. Those green eyes though, they were as bright and sharp as ever.

"You came?"

Paul shrugged.

Daniel looked around for his cane, and used that to drag himself upright. He saw the   
question in Paul's eyes, but didn't say anything.

When he had gained a measure of his dignity back, he asked, "Are you coming to the   
reception?"

"I… wasn't sure I would be welcome."

Daniel forced a smile. "You can chat up Sam and her husband. I'm sure she'd love to see   
you."

"You've, ah, kept in touch with Major Carter?" An edge to his tone, Daniel detected,   
probably because Daniel hadn't deigned to keep in touch with Paul.

"Two kids, Paul." That was the only explanation he would give for now. Let the man see   
for himself. Time did change things, put everything in perspective a bit. Daniel shook his   
head. What the hell was he doing? Playing games with Paul at Jack's funeral?

"Are you, um," Paul cleared his throat. "I wanted to offer my condolences."

"Thank you," Daniel said simply. He walked a little bit past Paul before he turned   
around. "Are you coming or not?"

Paul opened his mouth at first, but just nodded. He followed Daniel down the wooded   
path, back towards the cars, where everyone was waiting.

End


End file.
